The Last Post

I’ve been an athlete for most of my life. Moving to a new town at 7 years of age my parents thought it was a good idea for me to join the local athletic club as I was always running around everywhere and had bags of energy. It was a good move and I soon made lots of friends.

At 17, a few years before the first running boom of the mid 80s I was running up to 40 miles a week and a couple of years later the London Marathon came along. I was perhaps a little young to be running marathons but I did them anyway and I ended up completing all of the big city world marathons including London, New York and Paris.

In 2008 I finally learnt to swim, almost by accident, I had a shoulder injury and my physio nagged me to do some swimming. I’d never learned due to fear but I took lessons at the fabulous pool in Penketh near Warrington, and I was soon having the time of my life. I took to it like a duck to water.

A year later I’d developed enough confidence to consider participating in an open water based triathlon and after previously completing 10 London marathons my immediate choice was the London Triathlon, of course. Even though it was 10 years ago I can still remember the absolute terror of getting into the water at London Docklands. I was shaking uncontrollably with fear, but once I was in and swimming I loved every second of it. I swam breast stroke for most of the swim discipline and ended up finishing somewhere near the back, but I was hooked!

I completed in other triathlons, and I also worked on my swimming technique and eventually swam from Alcatraz Prison to San Francisco bay.
In 2014 I was awarded the Sports Personality award by Warrington Borough Council and a few months later I was also given a Warrington Inspiration Award by the Warrington Guardian newspaper.

In the meantime I continually went back to the London Triathlon every year and gradually I was working my way up the field and into the top 10 finishers in my age group, and then a couple of weeks after the 2015 event I was completely surprised when I received a bronze 3rd place finisher’s medal and certificate in the post. With 15,000 triathletes competing over two days I’d had no that I had finished so high up the field as  we’d left shortly after I had completed the course.
In 2016 I went one better and received the 2nd place silver medal.

Over the winter of 2016/17 and during the following spring I trained like a man possessed. I was swimming technically better than ever, cycling further and faster than at any other point in my life and on the day of the 2017 London Triathlon I was ready for it. This really was the first time that I was looking to race other people rather than just beating my own personal best. On the day I did the best that I could, and I won my age group category and was rewarded with the gold finisher’s medal.
I did think about hanging up my goggles for good at that time and retiring from triathlon. I had achieved everything that I couldn’t even have possibly imagined when I first started out in the sport but  then I was told that no one had ever won their age group category twice, and I also realised that I had completed 9 consecutive London Triathlon’s. I knew immediately that I needed to do the 10th one and I also wanted to have a crack and trying to win back to back titles.

I didn’t think I could train any harder than I had already but somehow I did and I was possibly in the best physical shape of my life. I was swimming, cycling, running and lifting weights virtually every day. As a vegetarian my nutritional needs were well balanced, and working as a Sports Therapist I had access to high level world class athletes. Physically and mentally I went into the 2018 London event convinced that I could win it. And I did, with a faster time than the previous year but it took so much out of me and after I had sprinted across the finish line I said to myself ‘never again’. That one hurt more than anything I had ever done before, but I had completed it over 10 consecutive years, won it twice and also finished 2nd and 3rd. Job done!

But something must have happened to my memory and for some strange reason that I can’t explain now I found myself entered into the 2019 event. I reckoned that if no one had ever won it twice consecutively then obviously no one had ever had a hat trick of wins. All through the autumn and winter of 2018 I was telling everyone that I was going to do it one more time and that was it.

Definitely. Absolutely. Never again.

So, I really really wanted to win the 2019 London Triathlon for the 3rd successive time and in the winter of 2018 I was training well. I’d recorded all of my training data for a number of years and my numbers were looking good. I trained on Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve as well as New Year’s Day. I wanted it that badly!
During January and February 2019 I was running faster and further than I had done in the previous 25 years. My swimming times were comparable with 2018 and I had every reason to believe that I would be faster and stronger than ever. Everything was looking great and I was even looking at availability of London hotels back in January, 6 months before my event.

Then something happened….

In the middle of March I had an irritable cough, it was nothing really and more of a nuisance than anything else. I have never had a day’s illness in my whole life, but then very quickly the irritable cough got much worse and by early April I was diagnosed with pneumonia. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I didn’t sleep for weeks and weeks, I would cough every 20 seconds for 24 hours a day, every day, every week, and during that time I rarely left the house or got dressed unless I was going to see a doctor or had a medical appointment. I saw 11 different doctors and was rushed into hospital on at least 3 occasions. I thought I was going to die. It felt like my blood was at boiling point and my lungs were on fire every single time I took a breath. Everything was so physically painful and I had some very dark thoughts. I didn’t want to go on living with that amount of pain and I thought on several occasions about ending it all. The alternative to being in so much pain was much more attractive and I thought about different ways of bringing it all to an end. I just needed some peace and relief.

 I virtually became a hermit, I saw no one, I didn’t talk to anyone or reply to any messages, and didn’t work for a long time. I had 4 courses of anti-biotics, beta blockers,IV infusions, diazepam, plus a box full of other medications. I was taking 16 tablets a day and nothing was working, and I even had a severe and potential life threatening reaction to the drug that they put into your veins during the CT scan.  I ended up being rushed onto the hospital wards and put on an IV infusion for several hours. At that point, nothing else in my life mattered, everything I had ever done and worked for was totally irrelevant, and there were some bad days, definitely the worst in my whole life.
I still didn’t leave the house much, but gradually after a few months my colleagues and friends convinced me to take on a few hours work teaching swimming or performing lifeguard duties at Penketh Pool. My own Sports Therapy business was suffering as it had been months since I’d worked.
 Working a couple of hours a week at the pool was not only part of my mental and physical rehabilitation, but it was also part of my salvation. The pool that taught me to swim was now saving my life! I mean that very truthfully.
On one particularly hot day I decided to get in the pool, just to cool down for a few minutes, but I swam 4 lengths and then had to stop because I was out of breath. A few days later I swam 400m.  A few weeks further on and I swam 800m, and a few days after that I swam the mile. It was the first time I had swam a mile in almost 5 months. Previously in the last 10 years I had swum more than 10,000 miles in Penketh pool. That day was a major milestone. Even though I still have breathing problems today as I write this and I am still taking a number of medications, I wanted to see if I could run. I lasted 4 minutes and thought my lungs were going to explode. But I went out again a few days later and ran for 12 minutes. In early July it took me 12 minutes to run a mile, but it meant much more to me than running 6 minute miles 7 months earlier.
A few weeks later I could run for 30 minutes without stopping, swimming 2-3 times a week and I even took the road bike out at 7am on a Sunday morning. I struggled for the first 20 minutes and wanted to turn around and go home, but once I got a few miles under my belt everything felt almost normal, apart from the fact that I couldn’t quite reach the speeds that I am used to. But I kept telling myself that a little progress each day adds up to a lot of progress after a few weeks.
 The truth is that we don’t really know how strong we are until being strong is the only choice we have, and it was Sigmund Freud who said, ‘out of our vulnerabilities will come our strength’. I do know that falling down, or contracting pneumonia was an accident, but staying down is a choice. When I was out on the bike I told myself that I had a choice, I could either give up, give in and turn around and go home  or I could give it everything I’ve got. Life doesn’t mean that we have to be the best, only that we try our best.

On 24th July, just 3 days before the 2019 London Triathlon I tentatively booked a hotel in London Docklands, even then I wasn’t so sure whether I was doing the right thing as the day before I had been ill and I wasn’t totally convinced that I would even make the journey down to London. The day before the event I wrote down on a piece of paper,  ‘I haven’t come this far, just to come this far’

Saturday 27th July 2019, Race Day!
I felt suspiciously quite well, no real problems, no breathlessness, no shivering, no lung pain, almost normal. I have to carry a medical supply kit around with me and my blood pressure was good, whereas the previous Saturday it had been sky high which required medical attention, my heart rate was good, and my oxygen utilisation figures were stable, even though they are still much lower than pre pneumonia days. I slowly and very deliberately prepared my kit, watching television and trying to settle my nerves. I had a game plan figured out in my mind for the last few days. Start at the back of the swim and stay out of trouble, take it easy. When I exit the water, calmly remove the wetsuit and WALK into transition, take my time, WALK out of transition with my bike and just pedal slowly. Stay out of trouble, keep away from the field, WALK back into transition, calmly remove my cycling shoes and helmet, put on my running shoes and gently jog out of transition, and jog around the course, high fiving spectators and volunteers. Jog over the finish line, get the finishers medal. Be happy.

That was the plan….

As my wave was led out onto the dock and we started to enter the water I was given a big reception from the MC at the event as I’d be recognised as a 2 time winner and the organisers also knew that this was my 11th successive year. I got a great reception and a big cheer from the crowd although I decided not to mention anything about the pneumonia. We are in the water, the start gun goes off and I stick to my plan. I’m officially the last one to swim across the start line and I’m at the back. The flaw in my plan is that I am actually a half decent swimmer whilst most of the competitors at the back of the field aren’t, so I start to overtake people quickly. I tell myself to slow down, which I do, but I am still overtaking people. I swim out wide to avoid a big congregation of swimmers, but I end up overtaking them all, mainly for safety reasons as they are drifting outwards towards me, which would have forced me to go much wider out. The swim was easy and I exit the water probably in the first half of the field, wetsuit off and I RUN into transition. I tell myself that I am meant to walk, but I can’t help it and I carry on running. Cycle shoes, helmet and sunglasses on and I RUN out with the bike. What am I doing, this is meant to be easy, this is meant to be fun and I’m not meant to be running?
I exit the bike transition cautiously as it’s raining heavily and the roads are slippery, but almost immediately someone overtakes me and not just gradually, he flies past me. At that point my plan went well and truly out of the window and I start to chase him. We are cycling along at 27mph and although we are both passing other competitors I just can’t pass him. But as we approach a short but very steep incline I sense my moment, and I take him. I smile to myself, the first time I have smiled in months, but it’s hard and it’s killing me, but as  I pass him and he drops back.
 I am not a particularly talented swimmer, cyclist or runner and my only real talent is that I just don’t quit. But this is seriously hurting me, I have the momentum and I have the heart and the legs but I just don’t have the lungs! But I just keep going and I am passing lots of people who have gone off too fast. One thing I have learnt over the last 10 years is about pacing myself on this course, and I know I still have the relatively flat and fast run to contend with.
My mind starts to think about what I am going to do when I get out on the run and I momentarily lose my focus and I hit the edge of a traffic bollard, and it almost sends me flying. I think to myself how lucky I am that it didn’t puncture my front tyre.
 I absolutely fly up the last very steep incline and back into transition and I run once again with the bike. By now I had totally forgotten about my game plan, and as for walking?

Running shoes and visor on and off I go again, for possibly the last time ever. I do jog out of transition and I do actually high five a couple of the event volunteers and I am happy running easily behind the person in front of me, but then someone comes past me and I latch onto their tail and we both overtake several runners.
By now the rain is torrential and people are slowing down or losing heart, but I am feeling good and gaining momentum. I wave away drinks and energy gels and start to pick off runners in front of me who have slowed for refreshments and although it is hurting me I say to myself, ‘I haven’t come this far, just to come this far’ My cadence increases and my run times get faster, but this year there is no sprint at the end. I cross the finish line slower than last year but I am relieved and happy. To be honest I am hardly breathing and I probably could have gone harder.

I finish 3rd, so I don’t get my hat trick of wins but I have learned far more this time around than at any other time in my life. The reality is that I still have some physical problems and I am definitely not out of the woods either. People may think that I am foolish for what I have just done, but the real truth is that your life is only as good as your mind set, and not too long ago I wasn’t bothered whether I lived or died.
Honestly.
 Our lives will never be totally perfect, but all we can do is try our best and make it work.

Was it easy? No   Was it worth it? Absolutely

But I am definitely not going back to compete in the London Triathlon in 2020. Definitely not!

Christopher Smith 29th July 2019